I'm still alive!

This blog isn't quite dead, I'm afraid I've just had very little to write about lately. Due to some medical issues my sex life has been severely limited in the last month or so. I'm currently back at full health and I'm hoping to stay that way, hopefully I will have new content soon!

Hi again

I haven't been able to write over the holidays as my laptop has been in Germany with J, it was unfortunately the only way of ensuring that we could Skype regularly. The computer at home is stuck right between the living room and the kitchen so there's no a chance of privacy there.

I've also been lazy about getting back to blogging once J was back but I imagine J will be keeping track of me from now on. He's been back for a few days and we were just going to bed as he asked when I lasted wrote a post. After deciphering my embarrassed look as meaning before Christmas he smacked my ass a few times and told me to go write something and then get back within half an hour.

And that's where I'm at right now. I still have a few minutes so I might just as well make a brief update. Unfortunately not a lot has happened as J has been mostly gone but there are a few things.

We've started to work on a sex game based around me performing services for J, and possibly others. It's a fun concept, I have to earn enough points to pay "rent" and I can unlock "abilities" like oral sex by performing well. Most services aren't sexual in nature, the point is to gradually work towards kinkier and kinkier services.

I've ordered a leash of the web, it was a drunk purchase but not a bad one. I got it pretty cheap of the Swedish equivalent of Ebay. It should be here in a few days.

And now I'm almost out of time. Gotta run.

Christmas wishlist

I want several things for Christmas, not all of them sex toys but you probably don't want to hear about the boring stuff. I don't know if I'll actually be getting any toys for Christmas but the chance exists so I've made certain that J knows what I want by putting together a neat and concise list for him.


A fancy leather collar. I want one that is wider than my current one and has a leash. J has expressed a desire to put me on a leash and I'd only be too happy to oblige.

A leather paddle, possibly with SLUT print. I really want a paddle, I've never tried one but they somehow really appeal to me. Also, slut is quite an affectionate word in our relationship so it'd be lovely to have it imprinted on my ass by J.

A gag. Ball gags scare me a little but I still want a gag. I've been thinking that I should either go for this kind of gag or conquer my fear of ball gags. After all, it's not unlikely that the discomfort of a ball gag might just turn me on even more.

More than toys I want to spend time with J. But while he's finally done with university for this Christmas he's still a busy man. We'll both be spending the 24th with our families and on the 28th he's leaving to visit his relatives in Germany for a week. My brother who studies in another part of Sweden is coming home for Christmas as well. Overall we probably won't have that much private time with each other and there's nothing we can really do about it.

J often visits Germany during this time of the year and I've never been very good at handling his absence. I'm afraid it might get even worse now that we've expanded upon the D/s elements of our relationship. We do our best to stay in touch via Skype but he doesn't always have access to the internet where he's staying and texting becomes awfully expensive in the long run. It's frustrating to be apart from him for any longer periods of time but if there is a bright side to it, it has to be that seeing him again is simply wonderful.

My awakening

I consider myself a fledgling in the world of BDSM though technically I've been a practitioner for more than three years. The reason I see myself as a fledgling is that I've only recently begun to actively explore my desires and limits within D/s and masochism.


J and I have always practised what I've been thinking of as "rough sex". It's hard to judge precisely how kinky we are as there's no standard, a bit like nerdiness, but I always considered us pretty tame. Compared to vanilla sex we're pretty damned kinky though, hence my inability to judge. However, this desire to explore further wasn't born until quite recently so I've not been unsatisfied with having "merely" rough sex.


I think the real turning point was when a friend linked me to Shelby Cross' blog. I started to read and couldn't quite stop. First of all, it was hot. She's great at writing erotica, I haven't bought her books yet but there's plenty on her blog that has convinced me. Now, I've seen plenty of porn which incorporated elements of BDSM but none of it managed to turn me on quite like this blog. More importantly, none of that porn made me crave the things depicted. It was something of an awakening, or possibly a re-awakening.


When J and I first started to get rough with each other, many years ago, I realized we were technically doing BDSM and I became curious about it. I joined Darkside, a Swedish equivalent of Fetlife, intent on finding out more about what there was to BDSM. Unfortunately I found the site to be intimidating and I left pretty quickly, thinking it probably wasn't anything for me anyway. I don't know if I was really ready to delve deeper into BDSM back then or not but regardless I'm glad my curiosity has been rekindled.


I've been reading a lot about BDSM since then, it's all so fascinating. Lately I've been reading Mistress160's blog, particularly her BDSM for Beginners series. It's a great blog and I've found that even things which aren't relevant to me as a female sub, like CBT, are absolutely fascinating to read about. Take note though, if you're sensitive you should take care when navigating Mistress160's blog. Just read her warning carefully and you won't accidentally stumble across something you didn't want to see.


IRL I haven't actually gotten much exploration done lately. Poor J has been stressed out about an upcoming exam and he managed to catch a cold on top of that so we've mostly been restricted to snuggling. He did give me a surprise spanking the other day though. Considering that I was still wearing my winter clothes, three layers of fabric over my ass specifically, I was impressed the he managed to make it feel as though I wasn't wearing anything. He also quite enjoyed being able to use more force than he had before.

These were quite strong but definitely fun.

I also tried out the clothespins on my myself. I placed them in a couple of different locations for 15 minutes at a time. The first two tries were done with quite few pins but for the third try I put five on each arm. Removing them was agonizing and I can definitely see J having fun with it. For the last try I put four pins on each breast, I couldn't put them on my nipples though, that simply hurt too much. This last try was some seriously painful 15 minutes. I found myself squirming as I waited for the minutes to pass. Removal was about as painful as could be expected.

Overall I think the clothespins have some great potential and I'd be interested in acquiring additional ones with varying strength, the ones I tried here are apparently quite strong for clothespins.

My first munch

Today I went to my first munch, basically a social, no-play meet up for kinksters. I was quite nervous when I got to the café but people were very welcoming. There were five kinksters when I got there but then I left, two and a half hours later, there were closer to twenty.

It was quite pleasant. I mostly just listened to other people talk but I managed to partake in a few conversations as well. It seems my city has quite a vibrant BDSM community. Though I tend to be fairly socially introverted IRL I'm feeling quite optimistic about becoming part of this community. This munch is a weekly event and I will definitely try to attend next week's. It seems I'll be trying out a couple of new things soon so I'll probably have plenty to talk about by then as well.

Yes, new things. J and I were eating out the other day, asian food, when he voiced a sudden urge to pour warm wax on me. Undoubtedly he was inspired by the small candle on our table. My homework for that evening was to research wax play. There was more to it than I had initially expected but after some inventorying I concluded that we actually had all the adequate equipment. There wasn't time for it that evening but I expect we'll get around to it soon, possibly tomorrow. Take note though, do your homework properly if you're interested in wax play, there are plenty of risks involved.

Another thing which has caught my fancy as of late is play involving clothespins. I've never tried clothespins before but I'm curious and eager to try them. I bought a pack of them today and hopefully J will be in the mood to try them out on me tonight.

Safewords

I've never had to use a safeword, we've just never been in a position when a serious "stop" wouldn't have done the job. Consequently we've never really had a proper safeword. J proposed we change this the other day and he suggested a trio of words I really liked. Having three words based on the traffic light pattern is fairly common and for the uninitiated, here's how it works:

The green word: This means "everything's fine" or possibly "more, please". A green word isn't strictly necessary but it could be useful. I'm not sure whether I'll actually have a reason to use my green word but I like having one.

The yellow word: This means "slow down" and "careful, you're getting close to red". This is useful for regulating a scene without breaking it off entirely. I imagine this will be very handy when we're trying new things.

The red word: This means "STOP". Simple as that. If something goes too far this is your way out. I hope I won't have to use my red word but it would be irresponsible not to have one. I imagine this is what most people think of when they hear about safewords. 

Most people have probably heard my trio of words at one time or another but in this context they're deeply personal so no, I'm not going to tell you what they are. More than just establishing our safewords J also suggested I try using them a couple of times over the next few weeks as practice. He wants to be sure we're sufficiently used to them in case we'll ever need them for real. The thought of practising hadn't crossed my mind, it's a good thing that I have J looking out for me.


I just had J proofread this post and while he did he also noticed I was wearing some of his clothes. He made me take them off and pull down my pants, he then smacked me twice with the ruler for being a bad girl. The day is off to a good start.

A new toolkit

Today I found out that I passed the exam I had two weeks ago. Life is good.

The other day I looked through my home for objects that can be used as spanking implements, I wanted to surprise J by unexpectedly expanding his arsenal. I found several objects that seemed workable, a small wooden brush, a larger plastic brush, a flat incense holder, a large plastic ruler and a belt. J wasn't home when I got to his place so I had plenty of time in which to prepare my surprise. I made his bed and neatly arranged my newly found tools on the cover. As an afterthought I also added a special candy to the arrangement.

I didn't tell him about the surprise when he got home and it made it all the sweeter when he finally did go upstairs after dinner. He called me up there and I could tell I was about to get fucked. He didn't actually start out by spanking me, instead I got to climb in bed with him, snuggle down between his legs and give him a blowjob. I took my time with him but I can't say that I wasn't very happy when he announced it was time for me to get spanked.

He put me over his knee and started trying out each tool. He'd spank me for a while and I'd tell him how each tool felt and what I thought about it.

Sorry about the quality, all of these were taken with the camera on my cellphone.

 The wooden brush stung a little but as it only covered such a small area it wasn't too bad. Overall it felt like a pretty mild tool. I quite liked it, it wasn't too intense but it still delivered on a good sensation.

It's 22cm long and has a slightly curved back.

The plastic brush had more of a thud, which I find much easier to bear than a sting. I liked this one, it felt pretty good and covered a decent area with each strike.

25cm, it was the flat backside that J used on me.

The incense holder had a pretty small sting. It wasn't particularly memorable, probably due to J not using it as much as the other tools.

This nasty thing is 30 cm.

The plastic ruler was a tool of evil. It stung pretty badly and covered a long strip of skin. It made me squirm right away. J loved it.

We didn't use the belt that much, it was trickier to use than the rest. It stung a lot when we did use it though, not as badly as the ruler though.

After having tried each tool J started the spanking in earnest. He mainly used the small brush and ruler. He'd tap the brush against my ass quite lightly but for every few taps he'd also give it a smack. It was a nice tactic, as he kept moving no spot become too sore and he was constantly doing something to me. The ruler was quite the opposite, I'd need a moment after each spank to compose myself.

He soon started to quiz me about things I should know. At first it was pretty easy things like the first ten multiples of seven or twelve, well, normally they'd be pretty easy but it's hard to think when someone's constantly spanking you. Every time I got something wrong he'd give me one or more with the ruler. I don't think I ever got any of the multiples wrong but when he asked me about the Avogadro constant and the universal gas constant I got several smacks. Whether I got something right or wrong wasn't always that important either.

"Name the first five decimals of pi."
"Uhh, *smack* 3.14! Umm, 14, 15 and then.. *smack* Fuck, fuck! It's 9 or 6. Umm, 9! 14, 15, 9!"
"Huh, I only know 3.14 so I'm just going to assume you got it wrong."
"Wha- no, no.."
*SMACK*

He also made me derivate 3x^12. That's one of the simplest functions you could derivate but given it's simplicity it really took me a ridiculous amount of time to do it. I was feeling pretty unravelled at that point.

Once he'd spanked me thoroughly he pulled me into his arms and made sure that everything he'd done was all right with me. Once he was sure that I was indeed satisfied with his handling he went back to dominating me. He told me that I was going to suck his cock and then swallow his load. He was very clear on that point, he would be angry with me if I didn't manage to swallow all of it. It made me nervous and very eager to succeed.

In the end I did manage to swallow all of it and afterwards I felt amazing. He told me what a good girl I was and I absorbed his praise like a sponge, I felt so extraordinarily good for succeeding. It became even better when he inspected my ass and reported a lovely rosy redness and a few bruises. It was a very good night.