Christmas wishlist

I want several things for Christmas, not all of them sex toys but you probably don't want to hear about the boring stuff. I don't know if I'll actually be getting any toys for Christmas but the chance exists so I've made certain that J knows what I want by putting together a neat and concise list for him.


A fancy leather collar. I want one that is wider than my current one and has a leash. J has expressed a desire to put me on a leash and I'd only be too happy to oblige.

A leather paddle, possibly with SLUT print. I really want a paddle, I've never tried one but they somehow really appeal to me. Also, slut is quite an affectionate word in our relationship so it'd be lovely to have it imprinted on my ass by J.

A gag. Ball gags scare me a little but I still want a gag. I've been thinking that I should either go for this kind of gag or conquer my fear of ball gags. After all, it's not unlikely that the discomfort of a ball gag might just turn me on even more.

More than toys I want to spend time with J. But while he's finally done with university for this Christmas he's still a busy man. We'll both be spending the 24th with our families and on the 28th he's leaving to visit his relatives in Germany for a week. My brother who studies in another part of Sweden is coming home for Christmas as well. Overall we probably won't have that much private time with each other and there's nothing we can really do about it.

J often visits Germany during this time of the year and I've never been very good at handling his absence. I'm afraid it might get even worse now that we've expanded upon the D/s elements of our relationship. We do our best to stay in touch via Skype but he doesn't always have access to the internet where he's staying and texting becomes awfully expensive in the long run. It's frustrating to be apart from him for any longer periods of time but if there is a bright side to it, it has to be that seeing him again is simply wonderful.

My awakening

I consider myself a fledgling in the world of BDSM though technically I've been a practitioner for more than three years. The reason I see myself as a fledgling is that I've only recently begun to actively explore my desires and limits within D/s and masochism.


J and I have always practised what I've been thinking of as "rough sex". It's hard to judge precisely how kinky we are as there's no standard, a bit like nerdiness, but I always considered us pretty tame. Compared to vanilla sex we're pretty damned kinky though, hence my inability to judge. However, this desire to explore further wasn't born until quite recently so I've not been unsatisfied with having "merely" rough sex.


I think the real turning point was when a friend linked me to Shelby Cross' blog. I started to read and couldn't quite stop. First of all, it was hot. She's great at writing erotica, I haven't bought her books yet but there's plenty on her blog that has convinced me. Now, I've seen plenty of porn which incorporated elements of BDSM but none of it managed to turn me on quite like this blog. More importantly, none of that porn made me crave the things depicted. It was something of an awakening, or possibly a re-awakening.


When J and I first started to get rough with each other, many years ago, I realized we were technically doing BDSM and I became curious about it. I joined Darkside, a Swedish equivalent of Fetlife, intent on finding out more about what there was to BDSM. Unfortunately I found the site to be intimidating and I left pretty quickly, thinking it probably wasn't anything for me anyway. I don't know if I was really ready to delve deeper into BDSM back then or not but regardless I'm glad my curiosity has been rekindled.


I've been reading a lot about BDSM since then, it's all so fascinating. Lately I've been reading Mistress160's blog, particularly her BDSM for Beginners series. It's a great blog and I've found that even things which aren't relevant to me as a female sub, like CBT, are absolutely fascinating to read about. Take note though, if you're sensitive you should take care when navigating Mistress160's blog. Just read her warning carefully and you won't accidentally stumble across something you didn't want to see.


IRL I haven't actually gotten much exploration done lately. Poor J has been stressed out about an upcoming exam and he managed to catch a cold on top of that so we've mostly been restricted to snuggling. He did give me a surprise spanking the other day though. Considering that I was still wearing my winter clothes, three layers of fabric over my ass specifically, I was impressed the he managed to make it feel as though I wasn't wearing anything. He also quite enjoyed being able to use more force than he had before.

These were quite strong but definitely fun.

I also tried out the clothespins on my myself. I placed them in a couple of different locations for 15 minutes at a time. The first two tries were done with quite few pins but for the third try I put five on each arm. Removing them was agonizing and I can definitely see J having fun with it. For the last try I put four pins on each breast, I couldn't put them on my nipples though, that simply hurt too much. This last try was some seriously painful 15 minutes. I found myself squirming as I waited for the minutes to pass. Removal was about as painful as could be expected.

Overall I think the clothespins have some great potential and I'd be interested in acquiring additional ones with varying strength, the ones I tried here are apparently quite strong for clothespins.

My first munch

Today I went to my first munch, basically a social, no-play meet up for kinksters. I was quite nervous when I got to the café but people were very welcoming. There were five kinksters when I got there but then I left, two and a half hours later, there were closer to twenty.

It was quite pleasant. I mostly just listened to other people talk but I managed to partake in a few conversations as well. It seems my city has quite a vibrant BDSM community. Though I tend to be fairly socially introverted IRL I'm feeling quite optimistic about becoming part of this community. This munch is a weekly event and I will definitely try to attend next week's. It seems I'll be trying out a couple of new things soon so I'll probably have plenty to talk about by then as well.

Yes, new things. J and I were eating out the other day, asian food, when he voiced a sudden urge to pour warm wax on me. Undoubtedly he was inspired by the small candle on our table. My homework for that evening was to research wax play. There was more to it than I had initially expected but after some inventorying I concluded that we actually had all the adequate equipment. There wasn't time for it that evening but I expect we'll get around to it soon, possibly tomorrow. Take note though, do your homework properly if you're interested in wax play, there are plenty of risks involved.

Another thing which has caught my fancy as of late is play involving clothespins. I've never tried clothespins before but I'm curious and eager to try them. I bought a pack of them today and hopefully J will be in the mood to try them out on me tonight.

Safewords

I've never had to use a safeword, we've just never been in a position when a serious "stop" wouldn't have done the job. Consequently we've never really had a proper safeword. J proposed we change this the other day and he suggested a trio of words I really liked. Having three words based on the traffic light pattern is fairly common and for the uninitiated, here's how it works:

The green word: This means "everything's fine" or possibly "more, please". A green word isn't strictly necessary but it could be useful. I'm not sure whether I'll actually have a reason to use my green word but I like having one.

The yellow word: This means "slow down" and "careful, you're getting close to red". This is useful for regulating a scene without breaking it off entirely. I imagine this will be very handy when we're trying new things.

The red word: This means "STOP". Simple as that. If something goes too far this is your way out. I hope I won't have to use my red word but it would be irresponsible not to have one. I imagine this is what most people think of when they hear about safewords. 

Most people have probably heard my trio of words at one time or another but in this context they're deeply personal so no, I'm not going to tell you what they are. More than just establishing our safewords J also suggested I try using them a couple of times over the next few weeks as practice. He wants to be sure we're sufficiently used to them in case we'll ever need them for real. The thought of practising hadn't crossed my mind, it's a good thing that I have J looking out for me.


I just had J proofread this post and while he did he also noticed I was wearing some of his clothes. He made me take them off and pull down my pants, he then smacked me twice with the ruler for being a bad girl. The day is off to a good start.

A new toolkit

Today I found out that I passed the exam I had two weeks ago. Life is good.

The other day I looked through my home for objects that can be used as spanking implements, I wanted to surprise J by unexpectedly expanding his arsenal. I found several objects that seemed workable, a small wooden brush, a larger plastic brush, a flat incense holder, a large plastic ruler and a belt. J wasn't home when I got to his place so I had plenty of time in which to prepare my surprise. I made his bed and neatly arranged my newly found tools on the cover. As an afterthought I also added a special candy to the arrangement.

I didn't tell him about the surprise when he got home and it made it all the sweeter when he finally did go upstairs after dinner. He called me up there and I could tell I was about to get fucked. He didn't actually start out by spanking me, instead I got to climb in bed with him, snuggle down between his legs and give him a blowjob. I took my time with him but I can't say that I wasn't very happy when he announced it was time for me to get spanked.

He put me over his knee and started trying out each tool. He'd spank me for a while and I'd tell him how each tool felt and what I thought about it.

Sorry about the quality, all of these were taken with the camera on my cellphone.

 The wooden brush stung a little but as it only covered such a small area it wasn't too bad. Overall it felt like a pretty mild tool. I quite liked it, it wasn't too intense but it still delivered on a good sensation.

It's 22cm long and has a slightly curved back.

The plastic brush had more of a thud, which I find much easier to bear than a sting. I liked this one, it felt pretty good and covered a decent area with each strike.

25cm, it was the flat backside that J used on me.

The incense holder had a pretty small sting. It wasn't particularly memorable, probably due to J not using it as much as the other tools.

This nasty thing is 30 cm.

The plastic ruler was a tool of evil. It stung pretty badly and covered a long strip of skin. It made me squirm right away. J loved it.

We didn't use the belt that much, it was trickier to use than the rest. It stung a lot when we did use it though, not as badly as the ruler though.

After having tried each tool J started the spanking in earnest. He mainly used the small brush and ruler. He'd tap the brush against my ass quite lightly but for every few taps he'd also give it a smack. It was a nice tactic, as he kept moving no spot become too sore and he was constantly doing something to me. The ruler was quite the opposite, I'd need a moment after each spank to compose myself.

He soon started to quiz me about things I should know. At first it was pretty easy things like the first ten multiples of seven or twelve, well, normally they'd be pretty easy but it's hard to think when someone's constantly spanking you. Every time I got something wrong he'd give me one or more with the ruler. I don't think I ever got any of the multiples wrong but when he asked me about the Avogadro constant and the universal gas constant I got several smacks. Whether I got something right or wrong wasn't always that important either.

"Name the first five decimals of pi."
"Uhh, *smack* 3.14! Umm, 14, 15 and then.. *smack* Fuck, fuck! It's 9 or 6. Umm, 9! 14, 15, 9!"
"Huh, I only know 3.14 so I'm just going to assume you got it wrong."
"Wha- no, no.."
*SMACK*

He also made me derivate 3x^12. That's one of the simplest functions you could derivate but given it's simplicity it really took me a ridiculous amount of time to do it. I was feeling pretty unravelled at that point.

Once he'd spanked me thoroughly he pulled me into his arms and made sure that everything he'd done was all right with me. Once he was sure that I was indeed satisfied with his handling he went back to dominating me. He told me that I was going to suck his cock and then swallow his load. He was very clear on that point, he would be angry with me if I didn't manage to swallow all of it. It made me nervous and very eager to succeed.

In the end I did manage to swallow all of it and afterwards I felt amazing. He told me what a good girl I was and I absorbed his praise like a sponge, I felt so extraordinarily good for succeeding. It became even better when he inspected my ass and reported a lovely rosy redness and a few bruises. It was a very good night.

My Lovely Toys

Sex toys are great, I've managed to collect a few over the years. The first three are my personal ones and the rest are shared with J and Q, after careful washing of course.

The bullet vibrator. This was my first sex toy, it still works though not as reliably as before. It's small and powerful and my favourite toy for solo sex. I occasionally use it for partnered sex as well. Though during partnered sex I prefer to have toys used on me.

It doesn't actually have sparkly bits,

I just couldn

't find an exact picture.

The g-spot wand. I bought this when my bullet vibrator started acting up. I use it less often than my bullet but when that one finally dies I'll have this to replace it with.

This is the right model but mine's purple.

And it was indeed bought at Lustgården. 

The collar. This was originally a spiked collar but I didn't like the look of the spikes. I don't use this myself but I love it when J uses it to pull my head where he wants it or just pulls on it to the point that I have to gasp for breath. I like wearing this a lot outside of sex as well. I would love to have a fancier collar someday and a leash that could be attached to it.

Not actually me but pretty close to what my collar looks like.

The handcuffs. We haven't used these in a while as they're back at my place rather than J's, where I've been living lately. I like being restrained, particularly in such a way that J is still free to use his hands for other fun things. The cuffs can hurt a little as they're plain steel but I only consider than an added bonus.

The butt plugs. We have two of them. One is small and easy to use, the other is a lot larger and I've yet to manage all of it. I haven't used these all that much yet but I'm getting there.

We own the two on the left.

The rope. We bought a bondage rope a little while ago but we've yet to try it out properly.

Ours is purple though.

Showersex, it's good for you

On the off chance that people who don't already know me happen to read this blog, I should explain something. I am polyamorous and so is J. I might write more about this topic some other time but for now I just urge to go read the link if you're wondering something, or ask me in the comments, that certainly works too. Why am I bringing this up now? Well, I wanted to write about my day and it happened to involve J's other partner whom I usually refer to only as Q.

So what happened today? After studying for a full day we decided to relax in the shower, all three of us. This was at our university, they have a couple of small shower rooms in the cellar that are free to use. We spent almost two hours in there. Most of the time we were just being lazy and enjoying the water but we also spent some time on productive things like oral sex and shaving. Poor J doesn't stand a chance against Q and me when we team up.

I really love sex in the shower, it's hot and literally steamy. You can also be messier than you'd normally be in a bed, I don't remember when it started but J and I have a habit of bringing the frying oil from the kitchen in there. Getting oiled up is definitely something I recommend, not only does it feel nice, it also look cool. Water behaves differently on oily skin, it's quite pretty. I'm sure I don't need to point out the obvious lubricating benefits as well, don't use oil on condoms though, it makes them more prone to break. It's also the only place where we regularly have sex standing up. Being fucked against a wall or made to bend over is plain awesome in my book, especially when my dear J is being rough.

It's also a pretty good place for trying anal sex. 

 

 

 

I also mentioned shaving, didn't I? I don't find shaving large parts of my body the be particularly worthwhile but I do try to keep a few, namely two, areas clean shaven. One is my armpits, it's really become a habit more than anything. It only takes a few seconds of my shower to run a razor over them anyway. The other is my cunt. I don't shave all my pubic hair though, I'm actually rather fond of my bush. But below that I've been trying to keep it shaven, personally I like both the feel of hair and smooth skin but J prefers it smooth when he goes down on me. I don't mind keeping it smooth for him and it does look rather kinky.

Secret Candy

A little more than three years ago when I was still young and, relatively, innocent I started to explore the wondrous world of blowjobs. I still remember how nervous I was before my first time. I wanted to surprise J when we showered so I hadn't talked to him beforehand. I kept telling myself to just do it but I was very nervous. What if I did it wrong? How was I supposed to know how to do it? Eventually I mustered enough courage to get down on my knees and rock his world. Then I swallowed. Quite ambitious for a first timer maybe but I just assumed that's how it's done.

I let him come in my mouth a few more times before calling it off. I didn't much like the feel or taste of semen. I figured it was a small loss, I could still give great blowjobs without that part. That was a long time ago now and my tastes have grown and changed a lot in this time, yet I never questioned this particular decision. Not even as I found myself enjoying the occasional bukkake or other semen related porn videos, I'd simply made up my mind, it wasn't my thing.

Luckily I decided to re-evaluate my position on this recently. I'm still not sure how I feel about performing the act itself but the thought of it is enough to make me tingly. I love blowjobs and I'd love not having to break off towards the end. It also strikes me as a very submissive act and that just makes me all the more eager to do it. The thought of J forcing me to do it, after prior consent of course, is even more tantalizing.

J was his usual cooperative self when I brought this to his attention. We've tried it a few times and I think it's something I'll have to work on. It doesn't actually taste bad or good, it's a strangely neutral taste that still manages to taste of something. I know several things can influence the taste and I've been buying J a lot of juice lately, so there's another experiment I'll have to keep track of. I think it's mostly a question of just getting used to the texture and taste though.

On a more humorous note. We made a deal that every time I let him come in my mouth I get a special kind of candy. It's called Kick and it's a kind of delicious liquorice toffee. I got one yesterday and I've been feeling adventurous lately so we'd better stock up on them.

Yay, spankings!

J did come home and he did indeed give me a celebratory spanking. I'm actually still quite new to being spanked so I can honestly say that's the hardest I've ever been spanked. My ass is very red, I even have a welt or two. That's my first welt actually, I'm rather proud of it. J's becoming better at it as well, he played mind games with me this time. It was horrible, in a good way.

He tends to have one hand on my ass and this time around he used the other to hold my head down by my collar. He tends to just rest his hand on my ass, stroking it between spanks, and then when I feel how he lifts it I know I'm about to get spanked. I tense up, hold my breath and try not to flinch but then, occasionally, there's no spank. He just lowers his hand back down gently and I have to release the breath I'm holding and relax without the pain. He made me laugh several times when he did it. It wasn't a happy laugh but more of a nervous giggle as I tried to calm down from having my expectations crushed.

That's pretty much how we did it except that we were on a sofa.
I do like being comfortable even as I'm being spanked.

I loved every time he did it actually. He was demonstrating his power and dominance over me. He was toying with me. Every time he didn't spank me it was as if he was saying "I can give you what you want but I'll only do it when it pleases me. Right now I just want to watch you squirm.", it was incredible. I hope I have bruises in the morning, I love it when he leaves marks on my body.

As I sat down afterwards I squirmed a little as I realized that my ass is sore. That's another first and how goddamn hot isn't that?

Just a quick post

I know this blog was just created and maybe it's too early for quick posts but tonight I only have time for celebrations. I had my first exam today, a math exam. I really didn't know how it was going to go this morning but now I'm fairly confident that I did well. There were certainly things I didn't know and couldn't answer but at least I won't have to redo it. [Insert happy smiley]

I'm alone at J's place at the moment and I'm determined to get drunk. While I have a fairly positive attitude towards drugs I don't use them all that often but tonight I'm going to let loose, it helps that I have no lectures tomorrow. I don't even mind being alone for now, it only means I can listen to my kind of music without shame. I've noticed that music becomes very..relevant to me when I'm drunk. Not quite better than sex but damn it's good. I would appreciate it if J came home and gave me a celebratory spanking though. I've never been spanked while drunk, I think I could take more than when sober, especially considering that I've been feeling very spankable ever since I finished the exam.

Now that I think about it, I'm drunk already. It's one of the perks of being short, 1.6m, you need less of everything to get affected by it. I should probably leave this here while I can still spell. Life is good and music is awesome.

Do blowjobs cure headaches?

J is my lovingly dominant and sadistic partner of 3 and a half years. Earlier today he laid down on the sofa next to me and complained about having a headache. I snuggled him for a while and suggested we go upstairs to cuddle in bed for a while, in the back of my mind I had the sneaky plan to give him a blowjob to make him feel better. Unfortunately he didn't want to go upstairs right then but a little while later he asked if I wanted to give him a blowjob. Clearly great minds think alike.

We decided to perform a scientific study of the question "Do blowjobs cure headaches?". So we went upstairs and I started giving him an amazing blowjob, and I really do mean amazing. I've had more than 3 years of practice when it comes to pleasing J orally and I take great pride in my skill. Unfortunately the results of the first trial in the study were inconclusive. I imagine I'll be called upon again some time to continue this study. This does however give me a great excuse to talk more about oral sex.

I really love giving blowjobs. Not only do they give immense pleasure to my dear J but they also make me incredibly horny. Now then, about a month ago I decided to learn how to deepthroat and J has been very generous in helping me practice. I can take him pretty deep but I'm not quite an expert yet and sometimes my throat gets a little sore from it, which I take as a sign that I'm not doing it quite right. One thing I never considered before trying it myself is that there's pretty much a 90 degree angle between your mouth and your throat. Unless you have a flexible penis this poses quite an obvious problem but luckily there's also an obvious answer, lean your head back. I've found that on my knees and the 69 position work best for taking it deep whereas snuggled up between J's legs, my favourite position for oral sex, only works to a lesser extent.

Then there's the gag reflex. Learning to suppress it  took less time than expected and I'm getting pretty good at it. It still strikes occasionally when there's a lot of moving around but even then it's muted and not so bad. An interesting fact about deep throating is that it even produces it's own lube. I'm not familiar with the mechanics behind it but having things down your throat makes you produce some kind of really thick spit which works awesomely as lube. Try and remember that in case you're ever unexpectedly out of lube.

That's pretty much the gist of where I'm at with my deep throating project, and now apparently headache curing project. If I make any progress I'll be sure to write about it here and if any of you readers happen to have any personal experience with this kind of headache remedy, feel free to share. More data is always good in a study.

My Sexual Ambitions

I have three exams in the next three weeks so all things considered I picked a pretty bad time to start this blog. Then again I haven't even decided how often I'm going to try and write here yet..

Anyway, the point of this post was to introduce one of the topics I plan to write about, sexual ambitions. It's quite a vague title really but that's fine as I plan to include a couple of different things in it. The three things that I can think of right now are sexual skills I want to improve, sexual skills I want to acquire and sexual practices I want to try. I pretty much just plan to record my progress as I work on things that fall under those headings.

And what, you ask, might these things be? Here's a nice and quick list  to summarize three of my current ambitions.

• Deep throating - a skill to improve.
• Anal sex - a skill to acquire.
• Rope bondage - a practice to try.

Expect some sort of status/progress post about those soon/eventually/whenever I get around to it. I'll probably also write about general things connected to my naughty life, like sex toys and submissiveness.

Oh, and apparently today is Little Christmas, some sort of obscure pagan holiday. It seems I'll be celebrating this thing for the rest of today.

Hello world

Or more accurately, hello the few people whom I've revealed this blog to so far.
So, this is interesting. I've never had a blog before. I'm not entirely sure about the scope of things I'll be writing about here yet but the original idea was to make it about my sex life, so whatever happens, expect sex.

The inspiration for this blog came mainly from Shelby Cross' blog and my dear friend Tourist. So whatever happens, blame him.

I'm still wrapping my head around how this blogging service works so the formatting might change back and forth a few times and such before I'm satisfied with how it looks. Right now my plan is to get something written in the "about me" box that should be to the right of this and work out a nice heading.

I rather like "Me, myself, and my sex life." though.